I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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