he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
