I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
