I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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