the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Quick, to the slutcave!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
