i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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