when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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