did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize