just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
