i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
