i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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