I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
