I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
