smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
