Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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