I showed him my bush... on skype.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She told me I should be a condom model.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
