3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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