roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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