The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
