Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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