i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
