ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize