Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
