yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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