you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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