Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
A bitchslap is in order.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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