Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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