Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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