the condom got lost in my hair
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
