You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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