some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you made out with another girl for some wings
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
