My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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