ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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