did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
