this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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