i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
