hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize