we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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