yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
