No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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