Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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