1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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