I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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