I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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