what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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