I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
