If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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