Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
