in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
