we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When are your genitals available?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
