Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
being pregnant is like rehab
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
