i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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