Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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