I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
