other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
