It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I need a beard to bite.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
