Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
