My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
