I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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