The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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