If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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