I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
