Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
