he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
