yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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