i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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