I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As shirtless as possible
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize