when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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