hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
