Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
