he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
