Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
