The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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