I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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