Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
operation harelip BJ is a go
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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