drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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