I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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