Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
