Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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