If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
