I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
