he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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