She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
