Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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