he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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