YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
