Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
