youre lurking in front of me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
