I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
