He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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