I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All the doctor said was why
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize