After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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