Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
