Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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