I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize