Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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