My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
